"God this is a mistake! You most definitely gave this sweet little girl the wrong mama!”
Have you ever found yourself saying that? (or feeling it?) There have been many times on our journey that I have convinced myself that God made a mistake making me the mom of my oldest child. I felt like I did everything wrong. I felt I could not help her. I felt I could not make her happy or meet her needs. Punishment didn’t work. Yelling didn’t work. Bribing didn’t work. Meds didn’t work. I remember crying just as much as she did each and every day. And that was a lot. And then the tears just stopped. The hurting was so deep inside of me I just turned off my emotions. Got through the day. And breathed a sigh of relief when she fell asleep, knowing that we both had made it though another day.
As she slept I would sit on the edge of her bed, feeling so helpless and like a complete failure as a mom. There she would lay peace filled, beautiful, innocent, and content. Why were the days so tumultuous? What was I doing wrong? I would tell God everyday that He should have given her to someone who could be the mom she needs. As the storm raged on, I grew deeper and deeper into a pit of despair and desperation.
I remember going to a moms group at our church. It had been a terrible morning with all my children, I had three by then and pregnant with my fourth. I sat down at my table completely depleted and basically numb, yet my insides spinning out of control. I just did not know what I was going to do. I remember Robin (a dear friend now), getting up and giving her little “encouraging ditty” to the moms. My mind was just negating everything she said. She then said, “If anyone wants prayer I will be in the back.”
I went running back. I burst into a pile of tears, unable to even speak. I finally told her what was going on: My daughter (age 6) had been diagnosed with anxiety, ocd, depression, add, sensory processing disorder, tippy toe walker, and more… That on a weekly basis we met with a medical dr., psychologist, psychiatrist, eye doctor, physical therapist, and an occupational therapist. I told her that I had worked with at risk kids at the Boys and Girls Club, taught in inner city Minneapolis, and had years of experience with really difficult children, which gave me a huge tool box of things to “do” with “behavior”. NONE of them worked with my daughter. She was melting down and violent daily, multiple times per day. She cried all the time. She was rarely a joyful child. My heart was broken. I told her I felt like a complete failure and that GOD had given her to the wrong mom! (Read our story here)
Robin very calmly, lovingly, free from judgment listened to everything I had to say. She then said, “God knew exactly who to give her to. He knew you were the PERFECT mom for her. He knew that you had the strength to stand with her and fight for her. To perervere until you find the keys that unlock her and release freedom to her. He will give you the tools you need just for her! You were picked as the ONLY one on the planet that can be her mother.” For some reason this really hit me. I think it was that she was so genuine and loving I actually had a spark of hope and believed what she was saying.
We continued to talk and she started sharing about natural health, chiropractors, diets, and things that God created to bring healing. I was totally clueless on it all. But, a door was opened. I began to research and explore. As I did, I found answers, “the keys” that brought healing to my daughter.
Looking back Robin was so right! GOD did know that I was the perfect mama for my sweet girl. He knew I would not give up! He know I would trust Him with her. And each and every day I still rely on him to help me parent her as well as my four other children. I am the PERFECT mama for these five.
They are mine and no one can do what God put me in their lives to do. Yes, I have made mistakes. Don’t get me wrong. Lots of them and some BIG ones along the way. But, I have learned from those mistakes as have my children. We journey together!
BE encouraged today that you are the MAMA for your babies. You are the only one that can do what they need. You are perfect! God gave them to you because He trusts you and knows you will be the one that brings these little ones into their destiny!
Blessings to all you mama! Even if it doesn’t seem like you’re the right mama. Be assured you are. Seek God for wisdom and He will give it to you, guaranteed!!!